Thursday, 6 December 2018

Choose - Hope - Survive

The three words in the title of this post sketch out the three stages of my journey to survival and cancer remission. First I had to choose - to make a decision to take responsibility for my own health. For me this meant that I would combine oncology cancer treatment (now immunotherapy) with natural healing. Then I needed to believe - use the power of belief - to recover, and this brought hope. And that led to survival.

I am writing a book on my recovery journey. The working title is now one word, a command: Survive. I hope to complete the first draft by the end of this month, December 2018.

I am using poetry to help keep my spirits up in the cancer recovery journey. The side effects of the original chemotherapy linger, bringing tiredness, depression, shingles neurological pain on one side, and sometimes just feeling as sick as if I had the flu. Here are three poems leading from despair to belief and hope (please excuse the wonky copy and paste formatting from Word). For me they bring much comfort and food for thought:


  Cancer

Cancer

Sinister

Hide-and-seek now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t

Monster

Evil incarnate

Cold grey iron

Lurking – hiding

Your face is darkness and dismay

Cold grey eyes – pale bloodless skin of death

With hair the colour of cremation’s fire

Wearing a long black cloak

To smother each victim

Neither male nor female
 
Outside time and space in this universe
 


 
Cancer in Seventeen Syllables
 
Cancer - sinister
 
Now-you-see-it-now-you-don't
 
Evil incarnate  
 



Balm of Poetry
 
Joy replaces fear

Debilitating cancer

But pen keeps writing

 

Balm of poetry

I need it now – darkness comes

Let joy win the day

 

I am still alive

Against all odds – keep writing

Poems bringing life




There you have it. I keep writing, because it keeps me working toward the goal of continued remission. Being in remission is not "home free". When a deadly cancer like Stage 4 Renal Cell Carcinoma is at stake, it can recur at any time so I must keep vigilant. Remission is simply some breathing space to prepare for a next onslaught.
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6 comments:

  1. Benjamin Dyck6 December 2018 at 16:32

    A very good read David. I particularly liked your reference to the power of belief. I liked the poem too, dark and almost unsettling at first then poetry breaks in to save the day�� beautiful Here’s to continued recovery!!!

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    1. I'm Still Alive: A Cancer Recovery Journey6 December 2018 at 19:52

      Thanks Ben. Great to sing with you tonight. My old chemo brain keeps forgetting entries, grrrr!

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  2. Unknown6 December 2018 at 19:10

    Oh Daddy, your poetry socks me right in the gut. I love the darkness and light dichotomy of your life and/or death struggle in your poetry. Choosing to choose instead of having cancer choose for you is very powerful! ~Lynnie

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    1. I'm Still Alive: A Cancer Recovery Journey6 December 2018 at 19:53

      Talking about the dark side helps me to get dark feeling out and away. Then I can gradually become joyful again.

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  3. Sandra Malcolm6 December 2018 at 19:47

    I love "Joy replaces fear....pen keeps writing". The spiritual realm is so needed to overcome and replace the human realm. Sandra

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    Replies
    1. I'm Still Alive: A Cancer Recovery Journey6 December 2018 at 19:57

      When I write, it's like the sun coming up, pushing away the fear of the darkness. There's a verse in Psalm 30 that says "joy comes in the morning."

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