Choose - Hope - Survive

The three words in the title of this post sketch out the three stages of my journey to survival and cancer remission. First I had to choose - to make a decision to take responsibility for my own health. For me this meant that I would combine oncology cancer treatment (now immunotherapy) with natural healing. Then I needed to believe - use the power of belief - to recover, and this brought hope. And that led to survival.

I am writing a book on my recovery journey. The working title is now one word, a command: Survive. I hope to complete the first draft by the end of this month, December 2018.

I am using poetry to help keep my spirits up in the cancer recovery journey. The side effects of the original chemotherapy linger, bringing tiredness, depression, shingles neurological pain on one side, and sometimes just feeling as sick as if I had the flu. Here are three poems leading from despair to belief and hope (please excuse the wonky copy and paste formatting from Word). For me they bring much comfort and food for thought:

  Cancer

Cancer

Sinister

Hide-and-seek now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t

Monster

Evil incarnate

Cold grey iron

Lurking – hiding

Your face is darkness and dismay

Cold grey eyes – pale bloodless skin of death

With hair the colour of cremation’s fire

Wearing a long black cloak

To smother each victim

Neither male nor female

 

Outside time and space in this universe

 

 

Cancer in Seventeen Syllables
 

Cancer - sinister

 

Now-you-see-it-now-you-don't

 

Evil incarnate  
 

Balm of Poetry

 

Joy replaces fear

Debilitating cancer

But pen keeps writing

 

Balm of poetry

I need it now – darkness comes

Let joy win the day

 

I am still alive

Against all odds – keep writing

Poems bringing life

There you have it. I keep writing, because it keeps me working toward the goal of continued remission. Being in remission is not "home free". When a deadly cancer like Stage 4 Renal Cell Carcinoma is at stake, it can recur at any time so I must keep vigilant. Remission is simply some breathing space to prepare for a next onslaught.