Thoughts about this cancer thing

I have thought about Reginald Mitchell who designed the famous WWII fighter, the Spitfire, that conquered the Luftwaffe's famous Messerschmitt Bf109 in the Battle of Britain. The rest, as they say, is history!

Mitchell was diagnosed with cancer in 1933. Rather than take it easy at doctor's orders he threw himself into the design and prototype construction of the Spitfire. He died in June 1937. But shortly before that, he would be seen beside the aerodrome, watching prototypes of the Spitfire being put through their paces. It seems that his commitment to develop that great airplane extended his life by a two or three of years, giving him great satisfaction.

Below is some free verse, some of it original, and some of it quoted from the Bible, to talk about the fear, hope, and love aspects of cancer recovery.

This cancer thing 
(with some quotes)

Fear

“i’m surprised

you’re still alive –

you could be dead

in five

or ten

minutes”

the surgeon said

that was before i nearly died

and before i woke up

(nearly) dead

The monster within

you are sinister

a hide-and-seek now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t monster –

you are evil incarnate

you are cold grey iron – lurking – hiding

in your face there is darkness and dismay and

the cold grey eyes and pale bloodless skin of death

your hair is the colour of cremation’s fire

you wear a long black cloak – perhaps to smother each victim

neither male or female –

you are outside of time and space in this universe.

Hope

i must embrace my illness

as my best friend

who will lead me

into happiness

and joy

"there is hope of a tree
if it be cut down
that it will sprout again
and that the tender branch thereof
will not cease
though the root thereof wax old in the earth
and the stock thereof die in the ground
yet through the scent of water it will bud
and bring forth boughs" 

Love

"there is no fear in love;

but perfect love casts out fear –

fear has torment –

he that fears

is not made perfect in love"

"God has not given us

the spirit of fear –

but of power

and of love

and of a sound mind"

"a new commandment i give unto you –

that you love one another –

as i have loved you

that you also love

one another"

I am taking radiation to smash the tumours on not two, but three, locations on my spine. Two of them are at both ends, at my tailbone and at the base of my skull. the other is in the middle of my back. This latter one has given me no pain at all and without the CT scan I would have no idea there was a problem. I will be going home from Edmonton to Inuvik on January 6, 2018. The Cross Cancer Institute people are very proficient and very caring, which provides extra support and hope for the future.

The war is on against the invisible and quiet monster

I am sorry to take so long to update my story. It took 6 weeks for Cross Cancer to make treatment decisions, along with an intervention from my family doctor in Inuvik. Then on Thursday December 15 some phone calls confirmed that I would have a consult for radiation on Wednesday the 20th and radiation treatments of modest radiation strength on Dec 21 and 22, and then again after Xmas on Dec 27,28 and 29. So Sandra and I flew to Edmonton from Inuvik on Dec 17, to allow time to rest up before the radiation ordeal.

As I believe I have mentioned before, metastatic renal carcinoma does not respond well to chemotherapy, and surgery is not a good option I found after discussions with the surgeon, because of the position of the new tumours very near the L1 lumbar and theS2&S3 sacrum vertebrae with very close proximity to the spinal chord. So now I have had two radiation treatments on Dec 21 and 22, which left me woozy, tired and somewhat achy.

I also have had a new diagnostic CT Scan in my neck and head area, because of a suspicion I have about some new headaches and neck pains that should not be there. It may be my spinal cord further down telling me about things not being well down there, or it may be evidence of another tumour at the top of my spine. We shall find out this week when I talk to the oncologist at Cross Cancer again. 

Stage 4 renal carcinoma is more deadly than I originally thought. The survival rate of 8% at 5 years is for people that have had a cancerous kidney removed but with little or no metastatic growth of tumours at the time of the operation. When the cancer is at Stage 4 with metastatic growths everywhere at the time of the kidney removal the survival is usually only a few months, according to the medical information that I have been able to find. The fact that I have reached more than 2 years is still a miracle.

We came to Saskatoon the other day in our rented car to spend Christmas with Lynn and Derrick, and Sandra's sister Janice and family in North Battleford, and will wend our way back to Edmonton by tomorrow Boxing Day. The warm weather has taken a break and the temperature has dropped to -29C this morning in Saskatoon.

So my determination as 2017 draws to a close is a quotation from Winston Churchill during the dark hours of WWII:

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

And I continue to meditate on the importance of joy. There is a short 6-verse chapter in the book of Isaiah in the Bible, chapter 12, that I really love. It tells me how important are strength, singing, the process of becoming, and joy to bring salvation. Wishing you all comfort and joy this holiday season.